Long Awaited, Much Adoo
Over 9 months have passed since my last entry. Mind cluttered with thoughts, angst, fears, confusion, anger, busyness, and... so many more thoughts. In the past 9 months the world has undergone amazing changes and our lives, the lives of me, my wife, and our children has changed more than the entire period of our existance togethor. I now have a daughter who is a senior and beginning to really investigate colleges and leaving us. But that is small. I bought a nice Toshiba Quosmio. A nice digital-enhancement to my life. Still small. I changed jobs. But that really paled in comparison to the biggest life altering event. The most dramatic decision and life-altering choice was to leave our church.
For many of you this seems insignificant. And for many, it would be. But for us, it meant leaving the only church family our children had ever known. It meant yielding my positions in ministries that I had held for many, many years. Some of you had read some of my previous entries and understand some of the difficulties. It meant that my wife would lose her job as teacher and head of the Math Department at the church's K-12 Academy. It meant that sports teams for the church on which we played would no longer allow us to play with them. It meant awkward runnings-in with members in supermarkets, post offices, soccer fields, and coffee shops and trying to explain the reasons without breaking confidence and parlaying disatisfactions that we bore for years. It meant our children not being invited to birthday parties, or us being invited to cookouts as the "out-of-sight / out-of-mind" fact proves reliable. My involvement with youth of over 14 years ended. My college-aged ministry completely folded as it was driven into non-existance after we left. It meant moving into a realm of non-familiarity and an uncomfortableness with where we were heading.
What have the results been. ooooh. Too many to note but here are some. My wife has begun homeschooling our 3 youngest and they are doing very well. My son attends the local public school and joined the football team. He has wanted to play for as long as I can remember. And, he appears to finally be taking on some responsibility for getting his homework done. We'll see how long this lasts. We immediately started attending a small start-up church that meets in my sons high school. It's a school devoted to having an impact on the local Bellingham community.
We took a nice family vacation to Germany, France and Belgium. The kids had a blast and are looking forward to a European-Nite we will have on the 1st to look at our digital photos, tell stories, eat crepes and baguettes and cheese and chocolates and whatever else we can scrounge up. And reminisce. Paris was fun. Brugge was as perfect as usual. But Mont St. Michel was absolutely inspiring. (see picture)
For many of you this seems insignificant. And for many, it would be. But for us, it meant leaving the only church family our children had ever known. It meant yielding my positions in ministries that I had held for many, many years. Some of you had read some of my previous entries and understand some of the difficulties. It meant that my wife would lose her job as teacher and head of the Math Department at the church's K-12 Academy. It meant that sports teams for the church on which we played would no longer allow us to play with them. It meant awkward runnings-in with members in supermarkets, post offices, soccer fields, and coffee shops and trying to explain the reasons without breaking confidence and parlaying disatisfactions that we bore for years. It meant our children not being invited to birthday parties, or us being invited to cookouts as the "out-of-sight / out-of-mind" fact proves reliable. My involvement with youth of over 14 years ended. My college-aged ministry completely folded as it was driven into non-existance after we left. It meant moving into a realm of non-familiarity and an uncomfortableness with where we were heading.
What have the results been. ooooh. Too many to note but here are some. My wife has begun homeschooling our 3 youngest and they are doing very well. My son attends the local public school and joined the football team. He has wanted to play for as long as I can remember. And, he appears to finally be taking on some responsibility for getting his homework done. We'll see how long this lasts. We immediately started attending a small start-up church that meets in my sons high school. It's a school devoted to having an impact on the local Bellingham community.
We took a nice family vacation to Germany, France and Belgium. The kids had a blast and are looking forward to a European-Nite we will have on the 1st to look at our digital photos, tell stories, eat crepes and baguettes and cheese and chocolates and whatever else we can scrounge up. And reminisce. Paris was fun. Brugge was as perfect as usual. But Mont St. Michel was absolutely inspiring. (see picture)
We are trying to finaly get our home more organized, we're enjoying life a little more, each other a little more, being challenged by each other and God to spend time with Him figuring out our purpose for being. Maybe someday I can say for certain 1 good reason why we left. For now, it remains 100 lesser things that amounted to an inability to enjoy the sermons; feel welcome or trusted; feel used by some and forgotten by many; or simply hear from God. I just know that my heart had left there a decade earlier and my addiction to the church and it's activities drove me to remain.
How am I doing? I am still fighting God. I wonder even into my dreams why when He chooses to miraculously work in the lives of some, He chooses to remain silent or actionless in the pains of others. I wonder why God heartens someone for an area of ministry but doors remain closed. I wonder about how He really feels about war, the wars we wage in America and the wars we avoid waging because the nationals there are black. I wonder about our willingness to kill unborn children and our unwillingness to use their pieces to enable research to stave off MS, Parkinsons, and many other diseases. I'm not saying that I know the answers and have understanding of all right and wrong. But can't anyone site rationaly and discuss it. Without emotions bashing the opponent into the ground? Why we just can't discuss immigration, the problems, the possible courses of action, the likely results, and get something accomplished. Why we have so many different types of churches? Why Sunday Christians are Monday-Saturday idiots? Why believers in Creation, Evolution, microevolution and punctuated equilibrium can't sit down and look at the data (food, flies, fish, fossils, and physics) and decide, whether you believe God exists or not, that we don't have to resort to name calling and stereotypes of ignorance. Why ignorance is rampant in America. Why our kids can't read; can't perform the simplest of mathmatical equations; are fat and overweight; committing suicide or killing one another; who think sex-isn't-sex if it has the word oral in front of it; are the most lazy workers I've seen in 20 years; who think that Fast-Food jobs are O.K. for a career; and whose vocabulary is so vulgar that it could make a trucker blush. Why "till-death-do-us-part" are only Hallmark greeting card words void of responsibility or meaning. Why should we be concerned with the earths warming trend when it has happened religiously over periods of millions of years? How much of it is mankinds fault? Does it matter? Why the media wont call someone who hides his face when reading a letter "praising allah" and then viciously beheads his victim with a long knife while on video a terrorist? God forbid they should use the word Muslim to draw association to their cause. We can't report the facts. I guess I have a lot of whys. I am hopeful however. I know that we made the right decision. Of this I am convinced. It was hard. It was painful. It was necessary. Like a tooth canal. But I am happy with the friends we have kept and who have stayed with us during this process. I am happy to be able to get involved with a small, growing church. I am especially excitied about some of the new friends he has put into our paths. And with that, I'll depart tonight. I promise to return and keep this going again. Thanks for coming to visit.
How am I doing? I am still fighting God. I wonder even into my dreams why when He chooses to miraculously work in the lives of some, He chooses to remain silent or actionless in the pains of others. I wonder why God heartens someone for an area of ministry but doors remain closed. I wonder about how He really feels about war, the wars we wage in America and the wars we avoid waging because the nationals there are black. I wonder about our willingness to kill unborn children and our unwillingness to use their pieces to enable research to stave off MS, Parkinsons, and many other diseases. I'm not saying that I know the answers and have understanding of all right and wrong. But can't anyone site rationaly and discuss it. Without emotions bashing the opponent into the ground? Why we just can't discuss immigration, the problems, the possible courses of action, the likely results, and get something accomplished. Why we have so many different types of churches? Why Sunday Christians are Monday-Saturday idiots? Why believers in Creation, Evolution, microevolution and punctuated equilibrium can't sit down and look at the data (food, flies, fish, fossils, and physics) and decide, whether you believe God exists or not, that we don't have to resort to name calling and stereotypes of ignorance. Why ignorance is rampant in America. Why our kids can't read; can't perform the simplest of mathmatical equations; are fat and overweight; committing suicide or killing one another; who think sex-isn't-sex if it has the word oral in front of it; are the most lazy workers I've seen in 20 years; who think that Fast-Food jobs are O.K. for a career; and whose vocabulary is so vulgar that it could make a trucker blush. Why "till-death-do-us-part" are only Hallmark greeting card words void of responsibility or meaning. Why should we be concerned with the earths warming trend when it has happened religiously over periods of millions of years? How much of it is mankinds fault? Does it matter? Why the media wont call someone who hides his face when reading a letter "praising allah" and then viciously beheads his victim with a long knife while on video a terrorist? God forbid they should use the word Muslim to draw association to their cause. We can't report the facts. I guess I have a lot of whys. I am hopeful however. I know that we made the right decision. Of this I am convinced. It was hard. It was painful. It was necessary. Like a tooth canal. But I am happy with the friends we have kept and who have stayed with us during this process. I am happy to be able to get involved with a small, growing church. I am especially excitied about some of the new friends he has put into our paths. And with that, I'll depart tonight. I promise to return and keep this going again. Thanks for coming to visit.
posted by Dean at 10:13 PM
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